Med

Update

• Generally improved. Not feeling as terrible as I was.
• Paxam/Circadian seems to have helped with sleep. Still some wakefulness/sleep thinking but not as bad. 'Deeper' states feel deeper.
• Sleeping longer (10->9 for example).
• Sometimes still waking up at night, but not as much.
• Kind of groggy in the morning.
• Occasional minor headaches (maybe the circadian).
• Lost a bit of weight (108->104 in about 2 months), probably the Vyvance.
• Less appetite (not really a bad thing. Although can be hard to get myself to have breakfast).
• Tried without Paxam one night and spent the entire night sleep thinking so I do need it for sleeping.
• The next day without Paxam felt terrible, possibly chemically dependant. Could have just been the lack of sleep.
• Some increase in motivation. Maybe the S*. Or improved sleep.
• Made a few lunches.
• Increased treadmill usage.
• Still highly dependant on the quality of sleep which is variable.
• No other noticeable effects from the S*.

• Spent a lot of time researching maths. Started gardening a bit again.

Issues

• Autism Spectrum Disorder (High functioning Aspergers) - Links with Anxiety, Depression, sleep issues.
• Long term Depression - Causes lack of willpower. Also causes obesity.
• Anxiety (General) - Causes lack of sleep
• Anxiety (Social)
• Severe Gagging Reflex, triggered by lack of sleep (mostly), anxiety, after eating, brushing teeth.
• Long time to do anything (And hour to have a shower, An hour to get into bed).
• Sleeping issues. Linked to obesity, anxiety, depression, gagging to increase
• Overweight - Linked to Anxiety, Depression
• Feeling thirsty most of the time (seems worse with poor sleep).
• Low Self-Esteem

Overall

• End up thinking too much, but not actually doing much. Pacing around for hours coming up with interesting ideas. But feel terrible/exhausted/burnt out afterwards.
• No motivation to do things / general 'enjoyment' or 'happiness'.
• Procrastination, (although maybe a more focused procrastination). Leading to somewhat arbitrary/random activities, although many of them useful.
• Often feeling exhausted or 'burnt out' a lot.
• Much more anxious.
• Pills effecting sleep. Initially a shallow 'thinking' sleep. Later waking up too early and not being able to get back to sleep.

• Possibly feeling 'smarter'.
• Perhaps less 'tired'.

• When I didn't have the energy to do things I tried not to waste my time. Spent quite a bit of time watching educational talks on things like software development.

There is less TV programming on now so that might have something to do with it.

Have been trying to fix my sleep pattern which could explain a lot of the improvements rather than the Vyvanse.

Random Activities

Generally things I'm interested in and could be useful and/or educational. But I didn't really 'decide' or intend to do this stuff. It's completely undirected.

• One whole day spent organising a small section of the rockery in the backyard.
• Two days spend trying to build a microprocessor in Minecraft, writing a program to do that.
• Two days spend researching the physical manufacturing microprocessors in general (optical lithography).
• Spent some hours looking into techniques for teaching my nephew programming using Minecraft.
• Spent half a day trying to repair the dish washer. Looked up on line how to do it, pulled it apart to check the heating flow element (which was fine). Put it back together again (but still not working). (Could not be bothered a few days earlier when the washing machine broke)
• Spent time looking into machine learning but not in depth.
• Spent some time learning functional programming (could have been more in depth).
• Spent a lot of time looking for things I should look into. But never actually looking into them. Large numbers amounts of books 'to read'.
• Writing this list

Planned Activities

• Writing personal finance software. Did some work on it but often was doing other stuff when I was wanting to work on it (I'm writing this list now).
• Meditation (only once when I was expecting a phone call and very anxious, ended up taking half a Paxam which seemed to have more of an effect).
• Making wraps for lunch (happened only once).
• Need to vacuum the room. But that hasn't happened in ages. - Actually did it finally.
• Treadmill exercise (Not so bad, twice a week. I can do that when mentally tired. But I can miss out then I plan on doing it.).

1-2 weeks

Mostly seemed ok. But effected sleep quite a bit, Paxam didn't seem to be enough and I had a very light sleep where I was still thinking while being asleep.

1 Month in -> 1 month, 2 weeks

1 month+ started feeling terrible in general, exhausted kind of sick some stomach issues.

Also on minor stimulant at the same time. Possibility of unrelated sickness. But I think most of that happened the first time around to a bit of a lesser degree so it seems more likely to be the medication.

Maybe became 'resistant' to the level of medication and had some kind of withdrawal?

Would that just happen at higher dosages?

Last 2 weeks

After than went back to normalish, feeling kind of drowsy. Able to do somewhat productive work but had also fixed my sleeping pattern at the same time which was more likely to be the thing that helped.

Waking up too early and not being able to go back to sleep. Sleep isn't as light as it was before.

Still more anxious.

Still thinking for hours about various things. Often in the morning (Vyvance peaking?).

Day

Took at 7:00

End up walking around thinking until about 11.

Exhausted at 11:30. Feeling hungry.