Med

12/10/22

• First few weeks. Sleeping later each day to cycle sleep schedule around.
• Started going to sleep at 2am again. (Possibly due to dinner?)
• 12th Oct 2022 - Trying clonidine tonight at 9:30
• First Clonidine seemed to work to get me to go to sleep but ended up sweating a lot at night and didn't feel great the next day.
• Tried Clonidine a few more times, not sweating but the effect has worn off
• 05 Nov - Trying Quetiapine, seems to be making my sleepy
• Quetiapine worked too well. Hard to wake up and was exhausted the next day. Going to try half next time.
• 18th Nov - Half a Quetiapine seemed to work well.

Update 10: 11 May 2017 - 06 Jun 2017

• Last month, lowered Stetraline to 50mg
• Seem to be more active since lowering the Setraline.
• Increased Anxiety
• Some brain fog. Different to the brain fog the Vyvance caused. Maybe Setraline withdrawl?
• Probably still withdrawal from lowering Setraline?
• Feeling a bit burned out. Probably because I have been doing stuff. Spent a whole day routing computer cables to make them tidy. Been working on fixing my sisters computer (and then building a new one when the old one just died for no reason after fixing it).
• Doing a genetic test for a study into depression.
• Tried a few days without Armodafinl. Didn't do much on those days just watched videos.
• Tried a few days of 225mg Armodafinl. Increased anxiety a bit. Not sure if I was more productive, maybe a bit.
• Is there something for Anxiety only with less side effects than Setraline, Setraline apparently does anxiety and depression, but I don't think it's really helping with the depression side of stuff.
• Still not great concentration when reading technical stuff but not a major concert currently. Possibly the concentration is from having to many thoughts about what I am reading, interrupting the reading.

Armodafin vs Vyvance

The Vyvance initially worked well since I was able to tackle large projects that needed a lot of energy such as digging up all the invasive grass in the backyard, organising the shed. It also seemed to increase my brain power letting me understand complex things eaiser like working on electronics projects, learning some math and such.

The main disadvantages where memory issues/brainfog. Like that feeling you get when you can recall a word where you can kind of 'feel' it but cant 'reach' it. But it also happened to ideas and planning the next logical steps ahead when working on something. Also worse sleep. And increased anxiety (which the Setraline was used to treat but that also caused the sleep).

I also couldn't really choose what to work on. Not sure if that was Vyvance or just my personality manifesting not that I had energy to do stuff.

Unfortunately I seemed to fairly quickly loose the benefits after about a month at each dosage level leaving just the side effect. And each increased dosage level made the side effect (particularity the memory worse).

The Armodafinl doesn't seem to have increased the brainpower in the same way Vyvance did, but I do seem to be able to persistently work on things for long periods of time. I seem to think to much though, not sure if that is the Armodafinl I do have that tendency but maybe the Armodafinl has increased it.

Log

• 05 Jun 2017 - Spend the say orginising cables in my computer.
• 02 Jun 2017 - Back to 150mg Armodafinil.
• 01 Jun 2017 - Day 2 of 225mg Armodafinil. Not feeling tired (as of midday) even though I went to bed late. A bit of anxiety though.
• 31 May 2017 - Trying 225mg Armodafinil (1+1/2). Spent most of the say setting up my sisters new computer. Stayed up till 3-4am. Not sure how much of that was the Armodafinil.
• 30 May 2017 - Less active over the past few days without Armodafinil.
• 27 May 2017 - Trying a few day with no Armodafinil. Didn't notice much difference today. Maybe a bit sleepy after lunch.
• 25 May 2017 - Been programming consistently the past few days. Feel exhausted though.
• 20 May 2017 - Seem to have been doing more recently since lowering the Sertraline. Worked on fixing some stereos. Did a bit of programming.
• 11 May 2017 - Setraline 75mg->50mg

Update 10: 30 Mar 2017 - 10 May 2017

• Armodafinil seems better than Modafinl.
• Poor concentration. When reading a technical book can only read a few sentences before getting lost in though. Can take an hour to read a few pages. Guessing it's the brain adjusting to the lack of Vyvance. Might be slowly improving.
• Lowered Setraline to 2/3 of 100mg since I was getting out of bed late. Seemed to improve sleep. Should probably look at going to the standard 50mg.
• Tried a increased armodafinl (1 and 1/2) a few days, didn't notice any major changes.
• Not much energy.
• Keep waking up early at 4am and going back to sleep.

Log

• 04 May 2017 - Some anxiety and 'not feeling great', probably from the Setraline lowering. Generally not major, although more when going out.
• 28 Apr 2017 - Tried lowering Setraline to 2/3 over the last 3 days. Sleep seems better. No increased anxiety.
• 24 Apr 2017 - Lost concentration over the last week. Been feeling a bit out of it. Maybe Setraline? Or Vyvance withdrawl.
• 16 Apr 2017 - Been feeling head pressure, but otherwise feeling much better, more aware/awake in general. Been doing meditation. I think this was some euphoria from Vyvance withdrawl.
• 11 Apr 2017 - Tried Modafinl in addition to Armodafinl to see if increased dosage had much effect. Nothing major.
• 09 Apr 2017 - Went on the treadmill.
• 08 Apr 2017 - Been improving. Not much anxiety. Possibly due to some mindfulness meditation and getting to sleep early.
• 06 Apr 2017 - Armodafinl seems better than Modafinl. More consistent though the day.
• 01 Apr 2017 - First day on Armodafinil

Medications

• Setraline - (either 100mg of 50mg) (Any free samples of the 50mgs? Might be thinking of Pristique)
• Cercadin - 60x2mg (or 30 x 5mg?)
• Armodafinil - 150mg
• Don't need Paxam

Update 9 - 02 Mar 2017 - 29 Mar 2017

• First week off Vyvance showed definite improvements, but then lost energy, feel kind of sedated in some ways. Seem to be regaining it slowly.
• Seem to have less brainfog.
• Simple things seem hard and I have a strong resistance to them.
• Did go on the treadmill once recently, first time in a long while.
• Also have been reading books, although not for too long a periods.
• Getting to sleep at better/more consistent times. 10-11pm. Waking early (6-7am).
• Still feeling tired during the day.
• Sleep is light, also weird dreams.
• Maybe lower Sertraline? Wondering if that counteracts the Modafinl. Also causes sleeping issues.
• Would it be cheaper to get Modafinl in 200mg and split it? (What about the other variant).

Log

• 27 Mar 2017 - Did some programming.
• 26 Mar 2017 - Went on the treadmill.
• 24 Mar 2017 - Still seem to be adjusting to the Vyvance withdrawal.
  • Been picking up a bit each day for a while.
  • Have been waking up a bit too early or halfway though the night.
• 22 Mar 2017 - Going back to taking 100mg of Sertraline in the morning rather than 50mg morning + 50mg lunch. It didn't have any improvement and seemed to be causing weird dreams.
• 13 Mar 2017 - Going downhill again over the last few days. Hard to stay on one thing.
• 10 Mar 2017 - Definite improvements since going off Vyvance, better over the last week.
• 08 Mar 2017 - Forgot to take the 50mg Sertraline at lunch. Woke up feeling really weird. Felt like a cross between a panic attack and an hallucination.
• 07 Mar 2017 - Seem to have been improving the last few days.
• 02 Mar 2017 - Gone off Vyvance.

Update 8 - 01 Feb 2017 - 01 Mar 2017

• Started on Modafin 100mg
• Upped 2x2mg Circadin at night.

• Modafinal seems to have helped a little bit. Not a massive improvement though. Maybe have %15 more energy. Brain not crashing so much at times of the day (4pm).
• Main problem is brain fog. I suspect Vyvance since it seemed to kick in around then (or Setraline, which I'm on the Vyvance for anyway).
• Can start the morning with an idea for something to do then barely grasp/remember what it was a few hours after taking medication.
• Paxam/Circadin not as effective as it was even with 2xCircadin increase.
• Have had some issues going to sleep. Not too major. This seems to be if I miss the Paxam/Circadin kicking in. Possibly modafinl or just the Paxam/Circadin effectiveness wearing off.
• Still hard to pick a specific task and do it.
• A few bits of anxiety, not heaps.
• Would probably want to decrease Vyvance to see if it helps brain fog/improves sleep.
• Beyond that increasing the modafinl / decreasing the Sertraline.

Needed Prescriptions

• Setraline (100mg) - Need
• Modafinl (100mg) - Need
• Circadin (2x2mg) - Need
• Vyvance (Think there is one 50mg repeat on the pharmacy site, but a spare might be handy) - If changing to 30mg then need that.
• Don't need Paxam.

Log

• 18 Feb 2016 - Had a few days where I was much more focused and intelligent. Flow state?. Oddly enough it seemed to happen on nights after I went to sleep late (2am). But it could be diet or exercise related.
• 05 Feb 2016 - I am reading a few science papers without issues. Feel less 'sedated' today, last night tried 6/8 Paxam without sleeping issues. Still not so good at 'doing' things but maybe a bit of improvement.
• 04 Feb 2016 - First day of Modafinil (100mg). Initially doesn't seem to have made a major difference, a bit more energy but still feel somewhat tired/unmotivated. Maybe 'sedated' or simple things seem like too much work? Maybe from Setraline? Also 2xCircadian seems to have improved sleep somewhat.

Medication

• Modafin (100mg)
• Vyvance (50mg)
• Sertraline (100mg) - to counteract anxiety caused by Vyvance.
• Paxam (3/4) - to counteract the sleep issues Vyvance/Setraline. And general sleep issues.
• Cercadian (2x2mg) - Also for Vyvance/Setraline.

Update 7 - 07 Dec 2016 - 01 Feb 2017

• Last session didn't make major changes other than going down to half a paxam at night.
• Session before that lowered Vyvance from 70mg to 50mg due to memory/planning ahead issues.
• Still interested in Modafinil/Provigil/Modalert.

Since then

• Sleeping worse. Ended up taking 3/4 of a Paxam instead of 1/2.
• Memory better (although possibly not best).
• Lack of mental energy.
• Seem to get less stuck doing things (such as looking up stuff online when I'm supposed to be going to bed, but it still happens)

Main Points

• Sleep is to light. Keep waking up at night. Weird dreams.
• Takes awhile to actually fall asleep when in bed.
• Better able to get into bed at a good time <12pm. Although it still takes a lot of preamble from when I start going to be to actually getting in it.
• On 3/4 of a Paxam at night.
• Not too groggy at day.
• Have been doing some programming. Seems to be when I get enough sleep consistently for a few days and go to sleep early.
• Did some meditation again for a few days in a row.
• On days where don't get enough sleep, I lack just about all energy/motivation.
• Often mentally 'crashing' at about ~4:00pm
• Went through about a week where I felt terrible and did nothing. Had no motivation. Possibly sick (had stomach issues), withdrawl or a reaction to hemorrhoid medicine (apparently can cause increased blood flow to the brain). This happened previously when lowering other medications (also on medicine then too).
• Currently don't seem to be having the memory issues I had on higher dosages although there does seem to be some on days where I don't sleep well.
• Some days with anxiety, but not too many.
• Still drifting from project to project normally without finish then. Was working on etching printed circuit boards then started learning about deep neural networks.
• Small tasks seem hard. Can basically feel like there is some kind of suppression field.
• Did a bit of gardening, although not as much as when I initially started on the Vyvance (although a lot of that wasn't what I wanted to be doing then).

Medication

• Vyvance (50mg)
• Setraline (100mg) - to counteract anxiety caused by Vyvance.
• Paxam (3/4) - to counteract the sleep issues Vyvance/Setraline. And general sleep issues.
• Cercadian (2mg) - Also for Vyvance/Setraline.

Log

• Went to bed at about 10:30-11:00ish. Woke up at 4:40am with an idea couldn't get back to sleep until about 5:30am. - 01 Feb 2017
• Lost the energy to do programming over the last few days again. - 31 Jan 2017
• More sleep problems got woken up at night. - 27 Jan 2017
• Went to sleep late last night. Didn't do much today. - 26 Jan 2017
• Consistently Programming over the last few days. Also noticed not so trapped in thoughts. Still happens though. - 25 Jan 2017
• Been picking up over the last few days. Did some programming work today. - 21 Jan 2017
• A bit of increase in energy/motivation. But getting trapped in thoughts more. - 13 Jan 2017
• Lost all energy/motivation over the last few days. And just felling terrible in general. Some anxiety. (Possibly sick? Or Paxam withdrawal) - 11 Jan 2017
• Still having long term memory/future planning issues. - 08 Jan 2017
• Still getting 'trapped in though'. Still hard to get around to doing things. Memory still fuzzy (although not as bad and somewhat sleep dependant) - 06 Jan 2017
• Have been getting to sleep at earlier and waking up earlier. Feel a bit more awake when that is consistent.- Jan 06 2017
• If I got back to sleep in the morning I often end up being tired the whole day.- Jan 06 2017
• I can tell when it's just Paxam grogginess and just stay awake.- Jan 06 2017
• Still nights when I go to bed to late because I'm caught up in things.- Jan 06 2017
• Have been finding 5/8 of a Paxam seems to be about right. Any less and I wake up too early. And more and I'm groggy in the morning and go back to sleep.- Jan 05 2017
• Half a Paxam, probably not so bad today. Did have problems falling asleep although was going to sleep a bit earlier. Some restlessness, but not as much as the night before. - 28 Dec 2016
• Tried half a Paxam again, had a restless night - 27 Dec 2016
• I notice that I keep getting lost in thoughts and not doing things. - 23 Dec 2016
• Been hard to get to sleep on time again. Often end up going to sleep at 2am and waking up at 8:30am. - 22 Dec 2016
• Another bad memory day. It's like I can't hold more than one step ahead. Haven't been getting enough sleep too. - 21 Dec 2016
• Still long term memory issues. Can't really remember what I'm supposed to be working on right now... Been like it for a few days. - 16 Dec 2016
• Seem to be much more alert in the mornings *before* taking medication after about half an hour it seems to kick in. Started off the day learning about generic trait's in the Rust programming language, now I'm groggy and messing up filling in the dates on this page. Could also be digesting breakfast. Also possibly more alert in the evening (would be harder to get to sleep when I'm working on something complex). - 11 Dec 2016
• Tried 3/4 of a Paxam, seemed to be ok. Little bit tired in the morning but I have started to use my laptop to keep me awake until I can get myself up - 11 Dec 2016
• Half a Paxam doesn't seem to be enough, tried over the last 2 days but no getting such a good sleep. Still tired at day. Will try again when sleeping scheduled is better. - 09 Dec 2016.
• Reduced dosage to half a Paxam at night (was either 3/4 or 7/8 depending on how much sleep I felt I needed). - 07 Dec 2016.

Have been learning how to etch printed circuit boards at home and design them.

Update 6 - 10 Nov 2016 - 07 Dec 2016

• Mostly improved since lowering Vyvance from 70mg to 50mg.
• Been consistently working on electronics projects.
• A bit better at going to bed earlier. Normally 12pm, although sometimes 1am, mostly when I need to have a shower and leave it to the last minute. Other times when I start something later than I should but have been better at stopping or not starting on things since lowering Vyvance. Waking up at 8:30am.
• Still no specific tasks like treadmill, meditation. Possibly due to less long term planning from the Vyvance (this seems to be improved since lowering it).
• Waking up groggy, takes a while to get out of bed.
• Still lack some 'mental energy' to do some things.
• Wanting to either try Modafinil/Provigal/Modalert/etc... Or lower Vyvance some more.
• Would having both Vyvance+Modafinil likely to cause issues? Too many stimulants?

Log

• Not so tired during the day. Sometimes after lunch I get sleepy but I have some green tea. - 4 Dec 2016
• Did some gardening. Removed large section of invasive grass. - 30 Nov 2016
• Still very tired at day. Particularly the morning. - 30th Nov 2016
• Been tired during the day for a while even though I have been sleeping at more normal times. - 21th Nov 2016
• Been working consistently on an electronic project for a few days. - 16th Nov 2016
• Been waking up tired. Trying to cut back on Paxam to 3/4 (from 7/8).
• Been easier to stop what I'm doing and get myself to go to bed at a better time. - 15th Nov 2016
• Now on Vyvance 50mg (from 70mg). - 12th Nov 2016

Update 5 - 11th Oct 2016 - 9th Nov 2016

Thinking it might be worth lowering the Vyvance back down to 50mg to see if that helps with memory.

• Been more generally anxious. - 08 Nov 2016
• Lost weight (down to 98kg) - 08 Nov 2016
• Wasn't particularly active this month, most likely due to withdrawal. - 08 Nov 2016
• Still not doing specific things (treadmill, mindfulness). - 08 Nov 2016
• Been feeling a bit more awake the last few days. Had gone from 2 circadian down to 1. Doing more actual stuff. Been a bit easier to get to bed earlier (12pm), although still not a more ideal 10pm. Actual sleep is ok (not too light), although I still feel tired generally. - Nov 06 2016
• Have noticed that I start to become less focused about half an hour after taking medication in the morning. Jumping form idea to idea. Sometimes latching onto one that I wasn't planning on doing for hours. Possibly the Vyvance? - Nov 03 2016
• Still have annoying eye tick. - Nov 03 2016
• Have been quite tired during the day for quite a while, but have started getting to bed at better times (12pm as opposed to 1-3am). Not feeling generally 'bad' or 'sick' though. - Nov 03 2016
• Have been working on a simple electronics project a bit over the last few weeks, although it's hard to actually physically do work on it as opposed to research related things. - Nov 03 2016

• Went to sleep very late (4am) (no circadian that night, just paxam), next day was mentally jumping all over the place, no focus the entire day. Hard to keep more than one thing in memory. - 25 Oct 2016
• Been felling bad in general. Might be sick, or Sertraline withdrawal (seems similar to other antidepressant withdrawals). Although feeling a bit better the last day or so. Sleep isn't as light as it was.- 19th Oct 2016
• Went from 150mg Sertraline to 100mg Sertraline. - 12th Oct 2016

Update 4 - 14th Sep 2016

Main Points

• Generally feeling worse.
• Have been a bit better over the last few days.
• Sleeping worse. Seem to be more wakeful/thinking when sleeping (Probably Sertraline?).
• Hard to get myself to go to sleep on time. End up looking up stuff for hours. (was going to sleep at 4am-1am)
• Generally waking at 10:00->10:30
• More general anxiety.
• Memory problems. Don't seem to have as much long term planning and such. (Fairly sure this is the Vyvance since I noticed the occasional memory issue each time the dosage was upped).
• Less long term thinking means I don't think about doing any treadmill/mindfulness/etc...
• Thinking of something, then forgetting it the next instant.
• Saw a video where someone described ADD as lacking in long term thinking, from that point of view I would have more ADD from the anti-ADD stuff.
• No major bursts of energy (not cleaning whole house etc...).
• Still doing things (been learning electronics, soldering, etc...). Less procrastination for doing that.
• Annoying eye twitch.
• Not so caught up in thoughts.
• Ordering a lot more stuff online (this happened on previous anti-depressants, but it's stuff that I want, fairly cheap and I'm not going bankrupt or anything.).
• Lost weight, down to 100.7kg, was ~105kg in Jul.

Lower Sertraline (since it seems to cause the worse sleep)? Lower Vyvanse(since it seems to be responsible for the memory issues)? No change and see if things stabilise (had a rough patch a while back that went away)? Doesn't seem like it would help the memory stuff.

Log

• Feeling bad in general. Tiredness or maybe sick. - Oct 04 2016
• First day of 150mg Sertraline. - Sep 15 2016
• Memory seems worse, fairly sure this is the Vyvance. - Sep 14 2016
• Got caught up in thoughts a lot today - Sep 14 2016

Update 3 - 12th Sep 2016

Main Points

• Still no motivation/'enjoyment'. depression?. Up Sertriline?
• Still can get myself to do specific preplanned activities/projects (Read a specific book, mindfulness, making a proper lunch, treadmill, etc...), or stick with a project longterm. Do random tasks (although useful ones) instead. Procrastination?
• Did do a lot of unplanned useful random activities. Fixed the dishwasher. Vacuumed the entire house (The entire day until 11:30). Started to organise the shed (over a few days). Went around the house finding things that needed to be thrown out (most of the day). Ordered a bunch of stuff online (mostly things for projects).
• Been cutting back on the Paxam, 7/8th at night. None at day. Seem to wake up at about the right time without too much sleepy/grogginess. Not too much general anxiety (although some on occasion). This seemed to coincide with the increased activity.
• When I was on the full Paxam (1 at night/half in morning) with the 70mg Vyvance I didn't have a lot of activity, was spending days on end passively researching things, such as watching tutorials on YouTube.
• Increase in focus might make it hard to do side activities (stop researching and go have a shower), also might mean I am focusing on thoughts and getting lost in them (although I often did that prior to Vyvance).
• Got the DSP, thanks for the letter ☺.

Log (newest at top)

• Seem to be losing most of the the initial burst of energy I gained from the 50-70mg Vyvance upgrade (This happened on the 30-50mg upgrade too). Starting to get lost in thoughts again. - 12 Sep 2016
• The asthma has mostly gone away off. - 09 Sep 2016
• Have started taking 7/8ths of Paxam at night, seem to wake up at about the right time with this amount. No Paxam during the day. No major anxiety increase from the Vyvance/lower Paxam. No noticeable Paxam withdrawal. - 07th Sep 2016
• Cut back on Paxam, 3/4 last night, none at day. Had some sleep problem (awoke a bit early). Spent the entire day vacuum cleaning the whole house until 11:30pm.
• Randomly cleaned the shed - 28th Aug 2016. (Possibly I had less Paxam the night before).
• Seem to be getting some ashma (not major), some people online seem to mention Vyvance causing ashma and it seems to happen a few hours after taking it in the morning.
• No problems actually sleeping.
• Hard to stop doing things. Pausing video to go do my teeth. Going to sleep later because I'm researching stuff. Can spend an entire day doing nothing but researching one or two things.- Aug 26th 2016
• No major effects from the Vyvance dosage increase. Did a bit more the day I took the Vyvance (fixed the dishwasher), not sure if it's related. - Aug 23rd 2016
• Started on 70mg Vyvance - Aug 22nd 2016
• This week prior to taking the Vyvance, I had been cutting back the Paxam without issues and feeling more awake and doing a bit more.
• Started looking into Sluggish Cognitive Tempo/Concentration Deficit Disorder. - Aug 20th 2016
• Still finding if hard to do specific tasks. Spend hours researching something without ever actually doing it. - Aug 20th 2016
• Started feeling a bit more awake (this is before Vyvance upgrade), probably due to less overall Paxam. - Aug 17th 2016
• Started putting cloths in the bathroom the night before going out the next day to make getting in the shower quicker and eaiser. Also arranging the other things I need to go out. - 15th Aug 2016

Random Learning Things

• Wood/Metal Working
• Electronics
• Oscilloscopes
• Perspective Geometry
• Building a 3D printer/CNC machine.

Update 2

Current main issue

• Feeling sleepy a lot. (Probably from the Paxam.).
• Very groggy in the morning, takes a while to get out of bed. End up reading a while until I have the energy.
• Sleepy during the day.
• Less energy to do things like go on the treadmill.
• Often to tired to get myself to go to bed on time.

• Still not able to target specific activities. Making lunch. Mindfulness. Finance. Specific learning projects. Reading a book on something I'm interested in.
• Things I do, do are often unplanned and random (weeding the garden for example). Although still useful.

Started skipping day time Paxam every other day, and going with 1/4 alternate days, unless I'm going out then I take half. Some increase in anxiety. But less groggy during the day and in the morning. (even the ones when I do take Paxam)

Maybe switch from daytime paxam to one of the other anti-anxiety things talked about last time. Sertraline seems to be going ok, Up dosage?

log

• Skipped the morning 1/2 Paxam again on the 13th and needed 1/4 on the 14th at noon again. - 13/14th Aug 2016
• Tried missing the morning 1/2 Paxam again, but started to feel bad and anxious around mid day. Took 1/4 and was ok after a while. First time on the treadmill in a month (probably unrelated). - Aug 11 2016
• Tried missing the 1/2 paxam in the morning. Felt less sleepy during the day. Next morning seemed less sleepy too (even with paxam at night, might be coincidence). - 10 Aug 2016
• Tried 3/4 of a Paxam at night again but ended up sleep thinking alot. - 08 Aug 3016
• Forgot to take Paxam/Circadian last night and realised at 2am. Decided to take 3/4 of a Paxam, and was less sleepy the morning. - Aug 06 2016
• Still often quite sleepy. Hard to get myself to go to bed on time.
• Was up till 3am researching Ore Smelting on Mars. - Aug 05 2016
• Have been doing a few more things. Probably the Sertaline.
• Vyvance seems to have mostly worn off, or been counteracted by the increased Paxam.
• Keep feeling tired most of the day. No energy to do things like treadmill. Possibly Vyvance has worn off, or Paxam. Easier to wake up though. - 02 Aug 2016
• Did a lot of weeding in the garden much of the day, unprovoked. - 31 Jul 2016
• Ryan mentioned that ADD can show the same symptoms of depression. Though a week of Ritalin might not be a bad idea to try. - 25 Jul 2016
• Ryan also said it might be worth switching to taking 1/2 paxam at night and 1 in the day rather than the current way around to make waking up easier.
• Helped out mum in the garden when she asked, pruning/weeding for much of the day. - 24 Jul 2016
• Have been sleeping better, not as much 'sleep thinking'.
• Quite hard to wake up in the morning. Often wake up early then go back to sleep, wake again, go back to sleep until I can see daylight and force myself up. Probably getting about 10 hours sleep.
• Can take 30min+ from finally waking up to getting out of bed and eating breakfast.
• Not as active as I was though. Not so much treadmilling.
• Hard to get myself to read math books that a week ago where interesting.

Latest random learning activities

Most of the research stuff involves finding the best books on the subject (although often not reading them), and watching YouTube videos explaining them.

• Researching maths. Started going backwards from pure abstract algebra and group theory to long division/multiplication. Some euclidean geometry.
• Researched smelting ore on Mars.
• Researched DIY backyard smelting furnace. How to build own metal workshop from scrap (not really planning to currently, but it's interesting).
• Researched smelting ore in general/historical. Iron, Copper, Aluminium.
• Researched the Manufacturing of (copper wire, electric motors, ball bearings.)
• Researched building a house out of Cob.
• Researched how a cheap braille display reader might be manufactured.
• Looking at building a Plotter out of cardboard and cheap electric motors but make it accurate using machine learning.
• Researched machine Learning/Deep learning.
• Tried to solder an old electric drill so it could be controlled by computer but the soldering iron broke down part of the way though. New one on order.
• Researched building a DIY soldering iron from the broken one.
• Researched building things out of cardboard (furniture).
• Researched Architecture

Update 18 Jul 2016

• Generally improved. Not feeling as terrible as I was.
• Less anxiety (probably the Paxam).
• Vyvance no longer extreme.
• Paxam/Circadian seems to have helped with sleep. Still some wakefulness/sleep thinking but not as bad. 'Deeper' states feel deeper.
• Sleeping longer (10->9 for example). Although I sometimes would wake up earlier, I wouldn't know if it was time to get up (3/5am vs 7/8am) and too tired to check the time (next month I should use alarm).
• Sometimes still waking up at night, but not as much.
• Kind of groggy in the morning. Sleeping in. Longer to get out of bed. Less early morning energy.
• Occasional minor headaches (maybe the circadian?). Not enough to be a problem.
• Lost a bit of weight (108->104 in about 2 months), probably the Vyvance making me snack less.
• Less appetite (not really a bad thing. Although can be hard to get myself to have breakfast).
• Tried without Paxam one night and spent the entire night sleep thinking so I do need it for sleeping.
• The next day without Paxam felt terrible, possibly chemically dependant?. Could have just been the lack of sleep but seemed to extreme for that.
• Some increase in motivation. Maybe the Sertraline. Or improved sleep.
• Made a few lunches.
• Increased treadmill usage.
• Spent a lot of time researching maths. Did a little bit of gardening (not as much as befoure).
• No working on finance software or mindfulness. Not much programming at all this month.

• Still highly dependant on the quality of sleep which is variable.
• No other noticeable effects from the Sertraline.

• What about withdrawal. How would I go off this stuff. Vyvance then Paxam? Does Sertraline have withdrawal?

• Often still cycles of periods of activity and then less. Treadmill was mostly 2 weeks ago and less now (although still some).

Issues

• Autism Spectrum Disorder (High functioning Aspergers) - Links with Anxiety, Depression, sleep issues.
• Long term Depression - Causes lack of willpower. Also causes obesity.
• Anxiety (General) - Causes lack of sleep
• Anxiety (Social)
• Severe Gagging Reflex, triggered by lack of sleep (mostly), anxiety, after eating, brushing teeth. Can take an hour after eating before doing anything active like going out.
• Long time to do anything (And hour to have a shower, An hour to get into bed).
• Sleeping issues. Linked to obesity, anxiety, depression, gagging to increase
• Overweight - Linked to Anxiety, Depression
• Feeling thirsty most of the time (seems worse with poor sleep).
• Low Self-Esteem

Overall

• End up thinking too much, but not actually doing much. Pacing around for hours coming up with interesting ideas. But feel terrible/exhausted/burnt out afterwards.
• No motivation to do things / general 'enjoyment' or 'happiness'.
• Procrastination, (although maybe a more focused procrastination). Leading to somewhat arbitrary/random activities, although many of them useful.
• Often feeling exhausted or 'burnt out' a lot.
• Much more anxious.
• Pills effecting sleep. Initially a shallow 'thinking' sleep. Later waking up too early and not being able to get back to sleep.

• Possibly feeling 'smarter'.
• Perhaps less 'tired'.

• When I didn't have the energy to do things I tried not to waste my time. Spent quite a bit of time watching educational talks on things like software development.

There is less TV programming on now so that might have something to do with it.

Have been trying to fix my sleep pattern which could explain a lot of the improvements rather than the Vyvanse.

Random Activities

Generally things I'm interested in and could be useful and/or educational. But I didn't really 'decide' or intend to do this stuff. It's completely undirected.

• One whole day spent organising a small section of the rockery in the backyard.
• Two days spend trying to build a microprocessor in Minecraft, writing a program to do that.
• Two days spend researching the physical manufacturing microprocessors in general (optical lithography).
• Spent some hours looking into techniques for teaching my nephew programming using Minecraft.
• Spent half a day trying to repair the dish washer. Looked up on line how to do it, pulled it apart to check the heating flow element (which was fine). Put it back together again (but still not working). (Could not be bothered a few days earlier when the washing machine broke)
• Spent time looking into machine learning but not in depth.
• Spent some time learning functional programming (could have been more in depth).
• Spent a lot of time looking for things I should look into. But never actually looking into them. Large numbers amounts of books 'to read'.
• Writing this list

Planned Activities

• Writing personal finance software. Did some work on it but often was doing other stuff when I was wanting to work on it (I'm writing this list now).
• Meditation (only once when I was expecting a phone call and very anxious, ended up taking half a Paxam which seemed to have more of an effect).
• Making wraps for lunch (happened only once).
• Need to vacuum the room. But that hasn't happened in ages. - Actually did it finally.
• Treadmill exercise (Not so bad, twice a week. I can do that when mentally tired. But I can miss out then I plan on doing it.).

1-2 weeks

Mostly seemed ok. But effected sleep quite a bit, Paxam didn't seem to be enough and I had a very light sleep where I was still thinking while being asleep.

1 Month in -> 1 month, 2 weeks

1 month+ started feeling terrible in general, exhausted kind of sick some stomach issues.

Also on minor stimulant at the same time. Possibility of unrelated sickness. But I think most of that happened the first time around to a bit of a lesser degree so it seems more likely to be the medication.

Maybe became 'resistant' to the level of medication and had some kind of withdrawal?

Would that just happen at higher dosages?

Last 2 weeks

After than went back to normalish, feeling kind of drowsy. Able to do somewhat productive work but had also fixed my sleeping pattern at the same time which was more likely to be the thing that helped.

Waking up too early and not being able to go back to sleep. Sleep isn't as light as it was before.

Still more anxious.

Still thinking for hours about various things. Often in the morning (Vyvance peaking?).

Day

Took at 7:00

End up walking around thinking until about 11.

Exhausted at 11:30. Feeling hungry.