Med

Update 2

Current main issue

• Feeling sleepy a lot. (Probably from the Paxam.).
• Very groggy in the morning, takes a while to get out of bed.
• Sleepy during the day.
• Less energy to do things like go on the treadmill.
• Often to tired to get myself to go to bed on time.

log

• Tried missing the morning 1/2 Paxam again, but started to feel bad and anxious around mid day. Took 1/4 and was ok after a while. First time on the treadmill in a month (probably unrelated). - Aug 11 2016
• Tried missing the 1/2 paxam in the morning. Felt less sleepy during the day. Next morning seemed less sleepy too (even with paxam at night, might be coincidence). - 10 Aug 2016
• Tried 3/4 of a Paxam at night again but ended up sleep thinking alot. - 08 Aug 3016
• Forgot to take Paxam/Circadian last night and realised at 2am. Decided to take 3/4 of a Paxam, and was less sleepy the morning. - Aug 06 2016
• Still often quite sleepy. Hard to get myself to go to bed on time.
• Was up till 3am researching Ore Smelting on Mars. - Aug 05 2016
• Have been doing a few more things. Probably the Sertaline.
• Vyvance seems to have mostly worn off, or been counteracted by the increased Paxam.
• Keep feeling tired most of the day. No energy to do things like treadmill. Possibly Vyvance has worn off, or Paxam. Easier to wake up though. - 02 Aug 2016
• Did a lot of weeding in the garden much of the day, unprovoked. - 31 Jul 2016
• Ryan mentioned that ADD can show the same symptoms of depression. Though a week of Ritalin might not be a bad idea to try. - 25 Jul 2016
• Ryan also said it might be worth switching to taking 1/2 paxam at night and 1 in the day rather than the current way around to make waking up easier.
• Helped out mum in the garden when she asked, pruning/weeding for much of the day. - 24 Jul 2016
• Have been sleeping better, not as much 'sleep thinking'.
• Quite hard to wake up in the morning. Often wake up early then go back to sleep, wake again, go back to sleep until I can see daylight and force myself up. Probably getting about 10 hours sleep.
• Can take 30min+ from finally waking up to getting out of bed and eating breakfast.
• Not as active as I was though. Not so much treadmilling.
• Hard to get myself to read math books that a week ago where interesting.

Latest random learning activities=

• Maths. Started going backwards from pure abstract algebra and group theory to long division/multiplication. Some euclidean geometry.
• Researching smelting ore on Mars.
• DIY backyard smelting furnace. How to build own metal workshop from scrap (not really planning to currently, but it's interesting).
• Smelting ore in general/historical. Iron, Copper, Aluminium.
• Manufacturing of (copper wire, electric motors, ball bearings.)
• Building a house out of Cob.
• How a cheap braille display reader might be manufactured.
• Trying to build a Plotter out of cardboard and cheap electric motors but make it accurate using machine learning.
• Machine Learning/Deep learning.
• Tried to solder an old electric drill to control it by a computer but the soldering iron broke down part of the way though. New one on order.
• Building things out of cardboard (furniture).

Update 18 Jul 2016

• Generally improved. Not feeling as terrible as I was.
• Less anxiety (probably the Paxam).
• Vyvance no longer extreme.
• Paxam/Circadian seems to have helped with sleep. Still some wakefulness/sleep thinking but not as bad. 'Deeper' states feel deeper.
• Sleeping longer (10->9 for example). Although I sometimes would wake up earlier, I wouldn't know if it was time to get up (3/5am vs 7/8am) and too tired to check the time (next month I should use alarm).
• Sometimes still waking up at night, but not as much.
• Kind of groggy in the morning. Sleeping in. Longer to get out of bed. Less early morning energy.
• Occasional minor headaches (maybe the circadian?). Not enough to be a problem.
• Lost a bit of weight (108->104 in about 2 months), probably the Vyvance making me snack less.
• Less appetite (not really a bad thing. Although can be hard to get myself to have breakfast).
• Tried without Paxam one night and spent the entire night sleep thinking so I do need it for sleeping.
• The next day without Paxam felt terrible, possibly chemically dependant?. Could have just been the lack of sleep but seemed to extreme for that.
• Some increase in motivation. Maybe the Sertraline. Or improved sleep.
• Made a few lunches.
• Increased treadmill usage.
• Spent a lot of time researching maths. Did a little bit of gardening (not as much as befoure).
• No working on finance software or mindfulness. Not much programming at all this month.

• Still highly dependant on the quality of sleep which is variable.
• No other noticeable effects from the Sertraline.

• What about withdrawal. How would I go off this stuff. Vyvance then Paxam? Does Sertraline have withdrawal?

• Often still cycles of periods of activity and then less. Treadmill was mostly 2 weeks ago and less now (although still some).

Issues

• Autism Spectrum Disorder (High functioning Aspergers) - Links with Anxiety, Depression, sleep issues.
• Long term Depression - Causes lack of willpower. Also causes obesity.
• Anxiety (General) - Causes lack of sleep
• Anxiety (Social)
• Severe Gagging Reflex, triggered by lack of sleep (mostly), anxiety, after eating, brushing teeth. Can take an hour after eating before doing anything like going out.
• Long time to do anything (And hour to have a shower, An hour to get into bed).
• Sleeping issues. Linked to obesity, anxiety, depression, gagging to increase
• Overweight - Linked to Anxiety, Depression
• Feeling thirsty most of the time (seems worse with poor sleep).
• Low Self-Esteem

Overall

• End up thinking too much, but not actually doing much. Pacing around for hours coming up with interesting ideas. But feel terrible/exhausted/burnt out afterwards.
• No motivation to do things / general 'enjoyment' or 'happiness'.
• Procrastination, (although maybe a more focused procrastination). Leading to somewhat arbitrary/random activities, although many of them useful.
• Often feeling exhausted or 'burnt out' a lot.
• Much more anxious.
• Pills effecting sleep. Initially a shallow 'thinking' sleep. Later waking up too early and not being able to get back to sleep.

• Possibly feeling 'smarter'.
• Perhaps less 'tired'.

• When I didn't have the energy to do things I tried not to waste my time. Spent quite a bit of time watching educational talks on things like software development.

There is less TV programming on now so that might have something to do with it.

Have been trying to fix my sleep pattern which could explain a lot of the improvements rather than the Vyvanse.

Random Activities

Generally things I'm interested in and could be useful and/or educational. But I didn't really 'decide' or intend to do this stuff. It's completely undirected.

• One whole day spent organising a small section of the rockery in the backyard.
• Two days spend trying to build a microprocessor in Minecraft, writing a program to do that.
• Two days spend researching the physical manufacturing microprocessors in general (optical lithography).
• Spent some hours looking into techniques for teaching my nephew programming using Minecraft.
• Spent half a day trying to repair the dish washer. Looked up on line how to do it, pulled it apart to check the heating flow element (which was fine). Put it back together again (but still not working). (Could not be bothered a few days earlier when the washing machine broke)
• Spent time looking into machine learning but not in depth.
• Spent some time learning functional programming (could have been more in depth).
• Spent a lot of time looking for things I should look into. But never actually looking into them. Large numbers amounts of books 'to read'.
• Writing this list

Planned Activities

• Writing personal finance software. Did some work on it but often was doing other stuff when I was wanting to work on it (I'm writing this list now).
• Meditation (only once when I was expecting a phone call and very anxious, ended up taking half a Paxam which seemed to have more of an effect).
• Making wraps for lunch (happened only once).
• Need to vacuum the room. But that hasn't happened in ages. - Actually did it finally.
• Treadmill exercise (Not so bad, twice a week. I can do that when mentally tired. But I can miss out then I plan on doing it.).

1-2 weeks

Mostly seemed ok. But effected sleep quite a bit, Paxam didn't seem to be enough and I had a very light sleep where I was still thinking while being asleep.

1 Month in -> 1 month, 2 weeks

1 month+ started feeling terrible in general, exhausted kind of sick some stomach issues.

Also on minor stimulant at the same time. Possibility of unrelated sickness. But I think most of that happened the first time around to a bit of a lesser degree so it seems more likely to be the medication.

Maybe became 'resistant' to the level of medication and had some kind of withdrawal?

Would that just happen at higher dosages?

Last 2 weeks

After than went back to normalish, feeling kind of drowsy. Able to do somewhat productive work but had also fixed my sleeping pattern at the same time which was more likely to be the thing that helped.

Waking up too early and not being able to go back to sleep. Sleep isn't as light as it was before.

Still more anxious.

Still thinking for hours about various things. Often in the morning (Vyvance peaking?).

Day

Took at 7:00

End up walking around thinking until about 11.

Exhausted at 11:30. Feeling hungry.